I'm gonna try and explain this the best that I can, but it's rather confusing even to me.
So yeah, here goes...
Yesterday, because of an argument I had with mom, and I'll be honest here, without going into detail, that it was due to a great deal of pride on my end. But it ended up that she said that I couldn't go to school for the day. So I in my anger ran away. I ran to the beach ¾ of a mile away, through the pouring rain. Once there I sat in the water and cried out to God, telling Him that I wasn't gonna move until He reveled truth to me. I had 3 hours after all.
It didn't take 3 hours, thank goodness, because I probably would have caught pneumonia if it had. But God reveled His truth to me there, as He can only when we have reached the end of ourselves. Mom and my argument had all been part of His plan, because He knew if I wasn't in school I would have time for Him, and He knew I would seek to be alone when I was hurt, and He knew that when I was alone and at the end of my own strength I'd turn to Him.
I can't say that the truth is pretty, because it usually isn't, but the truth will set you free, and when you seek freedom you'll accept the truth for what it is because you aren't looking for something nice. The truth God reveled hurt. And His truth was this: I had given up the 'Best' things for the 'good' things.
Since starting school I had been skipping my time with God more and more often, and I had become more irritated with my siblings because the high school students had taken all the patience I'd had for the day. This was not acceptable and something had to change. Yesterday, I quit school.
I told God that I wanted to do His will, and that I had thought that His will for me had been to go to the school, and I think it was at the time. But God works on a different time schedule as we do and when He says go we must be willing to go, in the same way when He says stay we must be willing to stay, even if it means giving up the dreams we had for ourselves. That's what God asked me. He asked if I would give up my hopes of continuing school to obey Him, if I cared more for the things of God then the things of men. I said yes. It wasn't easy, and I knew I was gonna have to try and explain why I wasn't going back to quite a few people, and some of then wouldn't understand. But I would rather look the fool and be obedient, then to seem 'smart' in the eyes of men and disobey the command of my Lord.
So, in closing, I made it back home a soaked and humbled mess. Apologized to Mom, and informed her of my decision. We then went to the school, where I gathered my things, thanked my teachers, and informed the councilor we had been working with that it wasn't working out. Thank God for His grace, when we are obedient He will clear the way ahead of us! Everything went very smoothly, and everyone seemed to understand.
So, that life chapter has come to an end. But another is just beginning, and I look forward to the other 'Great' things God has planned for me!